I have a problem. It’s very serious. I’m going to the University of Chicago vs. NYU basketball game tonight, and I can’t figure out how to stay pleasantly tipsy through the two-plus hours of sloppy comedy they pretend to be “basketball.” If I’m going to watch a group of nerds butcher the game so badly, I’m going to need more than a glass.

The obvious solution would be a flask. I own two. But I can’t stomach the idea of swigging vodka in the middle of a crowded gym that smells like sweat and college students. Or maybe there is a bigger problem: I just don’t like taking shots.

Shots seem like an integral part of the twenty-something experience. Bad day? Shot of whiskey. Goin’ clubbin’? Take tequila. At that horrible East Village bar you can get five shots for $10, but have fun fighting the punks for them. There are fancy shots and flaming shots and foul shots. A shot for every occasion. But not for me.

Shots and I go way back, and I think it’s time to call it quits. We had our fun when I was underage and stupid. But they led to far too many embarrassing situations, questionable men, and bad dance moves. Now 23 (and probably still stupid), I want liquor with more sophistication than a frat party. Especially before midnight.

After the emotional and intellectual torture of college, can you really blame me? I guess this is what “school spirit” gets you these days.



5 responses to “Shots

  1. you. me. tequila. it’s inescapable. just sayin’.

  2. Shots are for people that can’t drink. People that actually like alcohol don’t need to throw it down their gullet as fast as humanly possible.

  3. dude:
    1. open diet coke bottle.
    2. drink two big swigs.
    3. pour vodka in
    4. close
    5. pack in purse
    6. good to go
    7. definition of sophistication

  4. shouldbutdont

    Vodka Diet Coke? Ewww. I used mix Absolut with Diet Snapple though. My friends called it the Absolut Andrea. Might be time to bring that back.

  5. Pingback: Weekday « Shouldn’t But Do

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